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Life After Divorce: Embrace Being "Single-minded!"
Posted by: Mary Ellen Waller
January 15, 2009

Whether one is contemplating leaving an abusive marriage or just deciding to begin their life anew, often the biggest obstacle in seeking divorce is the fear of the unknown. And often that fear is specifically being single again, with all that it entails. However, today's multi-faceted society presents single people, of all ages, with many options and solutions in helping to overcome such fears.

The different businesses and various support groups that cater to single people are not small in scope. The Los Angeles Times recently published an article exploring different aspects of living single along with some of the companies that serve them. David C. Wright is one such businessperson serving the single community. Alana Semuels, in her article Singles unite! Mag targets the affluent (LA Times, 12/29/08), described the aspiring publisher and his glossy, "A serial entrepreneur, Wright recently launched Singular, a Los Angeles magazine for singles that doles out advice, travel suggestions and profiles of unmarried people who travel to Tonga, collect vintage sex manuals and play polo when not performing acupuncture." That synopsis perfectly captures the many different interests and adventures that lie ahead for today's single man or woman wishing to explore all that living solo has to offer.

And regardless of whether your interests lie in the South Pacific islands or cultivating your green thumb, there exists a plethora of outlets that will put you in quick and close touch with single people sharing your tastes. Electronic bulletin boards, such as Craigslist.org and others, both list events and provide virtual "water coolers" to gather around to exchange information and ideas, or ask questions about any pursuit you wish to explore. Poetry, philosophy, travel, gardening, wine, and divorce itself are just a small handful of the topics that are literally right at your fingertips.

The Times quoted the editorial director of the new magazine for singles as saying, "We're creating a community of people who want to have their best life now." And isn't that the point? Live your best life fully, and now.

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Life After Divorce: Dating as a Single parent - It's Easier Than You Think
Posted by: Mary Ellen Waller
January 15, 2009

Though the prospect of dating after a divorce while simultaneously raising children may certainly seem like they go together like oil and water, rapidly changing societal demographics and norms are making it easier on all parties involved.  A single parent's daily itinerary is undoubtedly filled with school, homework, and extra-curricular activities, not to speak of managing his or her way through the tough economy.  But out of the wonderful and chaotic life of being a single parent can unexpectedly come a dating life, and possibly more.

Dating can be a daunting prospect even without the demands of raising children.  And though, at first, it may seem that your dating outlook as a single parent is limited, it actually can be refreshingly straight forward and refined.  Nara Schoenberg of the Chicago Tribune (Feb. 7, 2009) recently tackled this subject in her article, "Dating...with children, An increase in single parents means less stigma, more confidence, experts say."  Schoenberg described the changing tide, "While single parents once battled the stigma of 'broken' homes and 'failed' marriages, and their children were cast in the unenviable role of 'baggage' that no worthy suitor would want to undertake, attitudes have changed profoundly in the last two decades, parents and experts say."

The major change is quite simply the sheer magnitudeof the numbers of single parents in society today.  The Tribune article detailed some of these numbers, "There are 12 million single parents living with children younger than 18 in the U.S., according to 2007 Census Bureau figures, a whopping 200 percent increase over 1970, when there were 4 million." Times have certainly changed, and divorce today in no way, shape or form carries the stigma that it did in your parent's era, and the numbers reflect as such.

Further, there are benefits in the straight forward nature of being a single parent as it pertains to dating. Your children are unequivocally the most important part of your life and there is no debating that subject. Any prospective suitor that has a problem with that aspect of your life is quickly and happily shown the door. Schoenberg wrote, "single parents say there are plusses to dating with children, among them that it does tend to weed out the jerks and prima donnas pretty quickly."  This transparent aspect to dating can be refreshing, as a single parent quoted in the article said: "To some extent, I've only got room for one princess in my life," and though that was spoken tongue-in-cheek in relation to his daughter, the vein of thought is certain: my children come first.

The large number of single parents looking to date has spawned a network of support groups, both online and elsewhere.  The Tribune also reported that "single parents are turning to online dating services, with Match.com reporting that fully 47 percent of its U.S. members have kids... Single parents are coming outof the woodwork and are no longer ashamed of their status,' says Morgan Siler, 29, co-founder of iheartsingleparents.com, which went online a year ago and gets200,000 page views a month."

Single parents should avoid letting antiquatedimages and societal norms affect their psyche as it pertains to dating.  Dating today as a single parent iseasier than you might think and has the added benefits of openness andtransparency that might elude other potential relationships.

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