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Musings on the Goings On at the Royal Mews and Buckingham Palace
Posted by: Mary Ellen and Marshall Waller
April 28, 2011

Royal Wedding excitement abounds this week in London. The numbers attending the changing of the guards at Buckingham Palace has more then tripled in the days leading up to the wedding. Streets are decorated with flags of the British Crown. The carriages, cars and horses to be used for the wedding are readied at the Royal Mews, the Royal transport facility. Pubs and restaurants are all preparing celebratory parties for the big event. Camera-toting news teams cruise the wedding parade route.

There are grumbling complaints from some that we are being inundated with news coverage of the Royal Wedding. Suffice it to say this dynamic is likely more than simply an insatiable appetite to live a little vicariously.  News team “road trip” mentality is likely a driving force behind some of the coverage spectacle. This beautiful spring week is certainly a boondoggle perk for a number of reporters.

 Genuine interest in the Wedding, both here and abroad, does indeed appear to be high. However, the international concentration goes beyond mere curiosity. Many will distinctly recall the tragic and untimely death of William’s mother Princess Diana. We watched him suffer as he walked stoically behind his mother’s casket. Many feared him to be the product of a dysfunctional union and all are aware of the pain he has endured, and at such a young age. William has been an innocent player in this soap opera that is royalty, one who has felt the consequences of the decisions made by his parents. That this so public an individual now finds love and happiness with a beautiful wife who understands him is the ultimate fairytale ending. The public is ready to rejoice and celebrate this union as William and Kate demonstrate hope for the future.

The fact that this “modern couple,” (the term often used to describe William and Kate, and that appears to be a euphemism for openly living together as a couple), are from different social classes makes this romance even all the more intriguing as they break with social class distinction and tradition. A monarchy existing within a democracy is a bit incongruous. There have however been English Kings and Queens for more than a thousand years, royalty who have gained their position primarily by accident of birth, Prince William being but one of the most recent examples. Historically inter-nobility marriage was used as a method of forming alliances among elite powers. These marriages were used to protect property and wealth. To suppose however, that love would remain confined to a small set of royal-blooded titled people has always been somewhat naïve.

There is of course no accounting for love or fate. Arranged marriages are of a bygone era. A prince marrying a commoner has never before happened in England, and the significance of this event, some would say, is a triumph of love. We are, after all, just people when it comes right down to it. These barriers of protocol have now toppled and that is likely a plus for the royal gene pool.

Fate, love and sheer luck of birth have come together giving rise to class and privilege for William and Kate. It will afford them the opportunity to have political as well as social influence. Prince William and his wife will be symbols of national unity. This role is a tremendous and daunting responsibility for the young couple. Let us not forget that the promotion of British culture and heritage is big business for that country’s tourism industry. For all intents and purposes this couple’s “official” role encompasses being spokes models for the British Nation and its people as well as the monarchy.

It is hard to disagree with the notion that if one desires to promote a county one would be hard pressed to find a more elegant and gracious couple with squeaky-clean backgrounds who are already both out there in the world striving to achieve philanthropic and humanitarian goals. Despite all the tragedy and dysfunction, William is far from the so-called prodigal son. He did not ask for this position; he could have turned his back on that responsibility but he has not. It must be a blessing for William’s grandmother to know that her grandson understands the weighty role before him and that he appreciates the country’s rich traditions. The public has heard only complimentary things about both these individuals. William and Kate’s ability to carry on with dignity and respect is a tribute to their parents and their families.     

The apparent mutual ability of this couple to “take one for the team” so to speak and step up to their royal duties speaks volumes about their commitment and their character.  As a married couple they may just make it and avoid the pitfalls of divorce. It is the inability to compromise that contributes to divorce. These two people have already demonstrated that they are ready and have the ability to compromise their lives to some degree. They will certainly relinquish a tremendous amount of privacy. They have already withstood a number of trials and tribulations together. Hope springs eternal that the respect and dignity they demonstrate for their cultural heritages is also always reflected in respect and dignity they hold towards one another.

Marriage can be quite difficult. It’s not all storybook, especially living with the fish bowl pressures of such a public life. The couple, like all married couples, will face numerous pressures, and childbirth will bring its challenges as well. Marriage is fluid and it will change over the years. They, like most married couples, will have to learn to tough it out and get past the unhappy times in order to continue with the marriage intact. They will need to work through the problems in their marriage towards a resolution. This couple like all other couples will need to devote time to their own relationship. They will need to spend quality time together and remain unafraid to work on their marriage. They must be willing to remain committed to the marriage even in tough times. So far, they have demonstrated that they have a very high level of commitment to one another and their county. Let the festivities and joyous occasion begin with all the pomp and circumstance befitting a modern royal couple.

Mary Ellen and Marshall Waller are husband and wife divorce attorneys from the United States. They share their perspectives and observations on the Royal Wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton upon visiting Westminster Abby, Buckingham Palace and the Royal Mews in the days prior to the Royal Wedding.

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Life After Divorce: Dating as a Single parent - It's Easier Than You Think
Posted by: Mary Ellen Waller
January 15, 2009

Though the prospect of dating after a divorce while simultaneously raising children may certainly seem like they go together like oil and water, rapidly changing societal demographics and norms are making it easier on all parties involved.  A single parent's daily itinerary is undoubtedly filled with school, homework, and extra-curricular activities, not to speak of managing his or her way through the tough economy.  But out of the wonderful and chaotic life of being a single parent can unexpectedly come a dating life, and possibly more.

Dating can be a daunting prospect even without the demands of raising children.  And though, at first, it may seem that your dating outlook as a single parent is limited, it actually can be refreshingly straight forward and refined.  Nara Schoenberg of the Chicago Tribune (Feb. 7, 2009) recently tackled this subject in her article, "Dating...with children, An increase in single parents means less stigma, more confidence, experts say."  Schoenberg described the changing tide, "While single parents once battled the stigma of 'broken' homes and 'failed' marriages, and their children were cast in the unenviable role of 'baggage' that no worthy suitor would want to undertake, attitudes have changed profoundly in the last two decades, parents and experts say."

The major change is quite simply the sheer magnitudeof the numbers of single parents in society today.  The Tribune article detailed some of these numbers, "There are 12 million single parents living with children younger than 18 in the U.S., according to 2007 Census Bureau figures, a whopping 200 percent increase over 1970, when there were 4 million." Times have certainly changed, and divorce today in no way, shape or form carries the stigma that it did in your parent's era, and the numbers reflect as such.

Further, there are benefits in the straight forward nature of being a single parent as it pertains to dating. Your children are unequivocally the most important part of your life and there is no debating that subject. Any prospective suitor that has a problem with that aspect of your life is quickly and happily shown the door. Schoenberg wrote, "single parents say there are plusses to dating with children, among them that it does tend to weed out the jerks and prima donnas pretty quickly."  This transparent aspect to dating can be refreshing, as a single parent quoted in the article said: "To some extent, I've only got room for one princess in my life," and though that was spoken tongue-in-cheek in relation to his daughter, the vein of thought is certain: my children come first.

The large number of single parents looking to date has spawned a network of support groups, both online and elsewhere.  The Tribune also reported that "single parents are turning to online dating services, with Match.com reporting that fully 47 percent of its U.S. members have kids... Single parents are coming outof the woodwork and are no longer ashamed of their status,' says Morgan Siler, 29, co-founder of iheartsingleparents.com, which went online a year ago and gets200,000 page views a month."

Single parents should avoid letting antiquatedimages and societal norms affect their psyche as it pertains to dating.  Dating today as a single parent iseasier than you might think and has the added benefits of openness andtransparency that might elude other potential relationships.

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